I've been asked a few times why I waited so long to transition. Part of the reason is that openly expressing one's gender when it is outside of societal norms can be a dangerous act. An act that opens one up to harassment, verbal and physical abuse and may even result in death. It's something that to this day freaks me the fuck out. And try as I may to wrap my brain around just what is so threatening about us transgender people that others would feel compelled to lash out in such brutal and violent manners is still beyond my comprehension. So that fear of physical and mental abuse was part of what kept me in the closet for so long.
What changed? I made a conscious decision to not let my life be run by fear. It's a work in progress. Making the decision to allow myself to transition and slowly coming out to people was a good start. I still have a lot of fears, some rational some irrational. I have yet to conquer them all and grapple with many of them on a daily basis.
I think part of being transgender is learning to live with some degree of fear. Fear of being ostracized by your friends and family, fear of discrimination and harassment in the work place, fear of restrooms and locker rooms, fear of other people's fear, ignorance, hatred, intolerance and bigotry just to name a few. Having a few healthy fears is good thing. I mean fear of death is a large part of what keeps us alive. It helps prevent us from walking through fires or down dark allies when we're alone at night. Transgender people have so many fears and insecurities to deal with. It would just be nice to live in a world with a little less fear. A world where people didn't get killed well, just because they are transgender.
Be sure to check out Stopping The Hate to learn more about hate crimes being committed to members of the GLBT community and what is being done to prevent them.
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