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wMonday, February 18, 2008

Being Sober

A few months ago I decided it was time for me to quit drinking and dry out for a bit. I had gotten into the habit of drinking on a daily basis and was having a hard time breaking that habit. When I say drinking on a daily basis I'm not talking falling down passed out in a pool of puke and urine drunk every night. I was however consuming anywhere from 2-4 drinks nearly every day and drinking in excess of that a few nights a week.

I'd been seeing the tell tale signs that things were getting out of control for quite awhile before I actually quit. Obviously there was some denial going on. Since Trixie doesn't drink and I am pretty asocial most of my drinking was done alone. I would often tell myself I was just going to have a glass of wine then end up polishing off the bottle. I was hiding how much I was drinking from Trixie. I was feeling burned out and drinking was becoming less enjoyable and more part of the routine.

I tried cutting back on my drinking a few times which worked for maybe a week or two. Eventually,though I found myself falling back into the same old routine. So, after having a drunken blowout argument with Trixie, I decided to go cold turkey, something I knew I had to do but kept putting off.

I've been sober now for 3 months. It's the longest stretch that I've gone without a drink since I was probably 14 or 15 years old. I'm just now starting to really feel some of the benefits of sobriety. My body feels much better, healthier and cleaner. I feel more mentally alert and present. My thoughts are clearer and my dreams more vivid. My relationship with Trixie has improved.

I still do have urges to drink from time to time. Mostly in social situations or when I'm doing cam shows. The times where I might feel a little awkward and want lose my inhibitions a bit or simply get my groove on. I'm working through it though.

I hope that someday I'll be able go back to the casual drinking habits I enjoyed for at least part of my adult life. Because I do enjoy having a glass of wine with a nice meal or a cold beer after doing some yard work or a little champagne to celebrate a special event. For now though, like Rachel Kramer Bussel wrote at the beginning of the year, I'm taking it one day at a time.

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posted by Delia at 5:13 PM
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wFriday, February 08, 2008

Sleep Laughing

A few more pics from my latest update. A little upskirt action:

And a little bulging white cotton panties action:

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A couple of nights ago I woke up at about 5 in the morning from a deep sleep. I had been dreaming. About what? I have no clue. What I do know is that by the end of the dream I was laughing hysterically. Laughing like I haven't laughed in a long time. It was a doubled over side splitting laughter. The hold me down and tickle me until I wet my panties kind of laughter. The kind of laughter that leaves you gasping for air. Which is probably what caused me to awaken.

Like I said I have no idea what the hell the dream was about or what it was in the dream that was sooooo hilarious. Maybe it was nothing at all. Maybe it was just my brain trying to give itself that crazy laughter fix it was jonesing for. All I know is that when I did wake up I felt incredible. Better than waking up from a cool flying dream or a good sex dream.

The other thing that I'm a little puzzled over is whether I was laughing out loud or just on the inside? I would imagine that I would have woken Trixie up if I was laughing out loud and yet she was sound asleep. However she does sleep with ear plugs in so it is conceivable that she didn't hear anything. I have heard her giggling in her sleep before, but never full blown laughter. I have a feeling mine was totally internal. I don't know, but it was pretty cool. I wish I could wake up every morning feeling that good inside.

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posted by Delia at 11:56 AM
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