It seems like recently I've been having a harder time "passing", though not in the way you might think. There are certain things that I still do in "boy mode" more or less out of necessity or convenience. Things like going to the gym which presents a bit of problem when it comes to showers, sauna, steam room, and bathroom facilities which are located in the locker rooms. I'll probably drop my membership after I start on hormones and look for other exercise options. But for now I've just been going in my "boy mode". This is usually consists of a pair of pants, a T-shirt, a baggy pull over fleece top, a puffy vest, and a ball cap with my hair pulled back in a pony tail. No one there has ever said anything about my vanishing facial hair, my smoothly shaven legs or my workout habits which consists of cardio and lower body training.
So lately my look has been kind of a boyish/androgynous one when I'm not intentionally trying to present as a female (i.e. with make up, hair styled, wearing a dress, skirt, bra and breast forms, etc.). I don't know why, but it was surprising to me when I started getting ma'amed and missed and referred to with feminine pronouns much more often in this boy/andro mode. A while back when I was shopping with Trixie the sales person asked how us ladies were doing. More recently a waitress asked, "What can I get for you ladies today?" while I was having lunch with Trixie's mom and sister. A sales person at the local hardware store asked me "Are you finding everything okay, ma'am?" just the other day. The ultimate compliment however, happened at the grocery when I totally got cruised by a butch dyke in the meat and seafood isle. That one had me grinning for the rest of the day.
This all has me thinking more about passing/blending and the amount of effort it really takes to be sucessful. When I am dressed in obviously feminine attire I don't seem to worry as much about some things like which restroom I should use. And when I'm in a more androgynous look I don't seem to be as conscious about how other people are perceiving me. I think once I start on hormones my somewhat exaggerated feminine look will start to merge with my andro/boyish look and I'll end up right about where I want to be. I guess that's already starting to happen. I'm just looking forward to the day when insides finally match up with my outsides.
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