So I've been thinking a lot lately about having breast augmentation as well as facial feminization surgery (FFS) done. Some of you might have even noticed the new little chip-in widget on the sidebar. I set my monetary goal a little on the high side and will adjust it after having a few consultations and finally settling on a doctor. Then I'll be able to give a full break down of the costs.
My Boobs I'm still going to wait and see how much growth I get from hormones alone. I want my nipples and areaolas to be fully developed before I have any surgery done. I also want to give my skin a chance to stretch and expand as much as possible so once I do have implants they'll have a little something to work with.
As far as size goes I'm still a little undecided. I have a pretty large frame (average though tall for a male, large for a female) so the temptation is to go big, like D - DD. The thought of having big porn star boobs does have a certain appeal to me. I have to admit that it turns me on a bit to think about it and I have fantasized about having a huge rack before. My inclination though is to go a little larger than average like in the C cup range. Something that will look sexy and give me some nice cleavage but not be over the top or obscenely huge. Something that might turn a few heads but not cause any slack jawed gawking.
My Face The face is a little trickier. I know some of you think I have a pretty face as is and shouldn't alter it at all. I actually don't hate the way I look now. There are times when I look in the mirror and do feel pretty and happy with how feminine my face already looks. A few of my features however are very masculine and no matter how long I am on hormones those features will never change. They are the types of things that I would look at if I was trying to figure out if someone else was trans or not. It's another reason I didn't transition earlier in life. I truly thought that with my facial features there was just no way that I would be even be close to passable. I learned about FFS procedures about 10 years ago and it did give me some hope. But money was always an issue with me. I've spent most of my life just scraping by so the thought of even affording a procedure like that just seemed out of the question.
My two biggest areas of concern on my face are my brow and jaw. I have a pretty prominent brow bone with large superciliary arches. My ex-wife and I used to jokingly refer to it as my cromagnum forehead. You can really notice it on my profile and when overhead light is reflecting off of it. It also casts a shadow over my eyes and gives them a more sunken, brooding appearance.
I would like to have my brow recontoured using a procedure like the one mentioned here, where they basically reconstruct or fill in the frontal sinus lobe. A brow lift is also performed at this time in most cases. That would have the dual effect of bringing my eyebrows up to a more feminine position and decreasing wrinkles and frown lines on my forehead. The scalp is also advanced to create a more feminine hairline and decrease the length of the face.
I actually really like my nose. It's not that huge and is slightly upturned at the end. I've never considered having rhinoplasty done. However, most doctors recommend having some nose work done after major brow surgery. That's mostly to correct the angle and proportion.
I also have a very square and masculine looking jaw. It's probably the feature that I received the most compliments on as a male. So ideally I would like have it rounded out and narrowed a bit.
I don't have a huge chin but, again I would like to have it rounded and reduced a bit so it's closer to a female's proportion.
I have a fairly large Adam's Apple, though it doesn't stick out too badly. I've learned to do a few things to minimize it's appearance. It's still a pretty obvious tell on me. So having thyroid cartilage reduction (trach shave) is one more thing I would like to have done.
Hormones can have softening effect on facial features There are certain things however that will never change no matter how long you are on hormones, like the shape and size of your skull and jaw. I've heard a lot of transgender women say that having FFS done was the best decision and investment they ever made. There are a few horror stories out there and a few people on the fence as to whether it was worth it or not. I feel that I do have pretty good bone structure to start with and having these procedures done would really improve my look resulting in a much more feminine looking face. I think it could also increase my earning potential and longevity in the adult entertainment industry as well as open up a few new doors of opportunity.
So now all I have to do is save up some serious dough - thus the chip-in widget. If you feel like contributing to what *I* think is a worthy cause it would be greatly appreciated. 5 bucks, 10 bucks, 20 bucks, 100 bucks, 1000 bucks, every little bit helps. Be the first one to pop my chip-in cherry!!
If anyone has had FFS done please email me. I would love to hear about your experience and I have a few questions about different doctors and costs.
I'll leave you with this advice from one transwoman about whether or not to have FFS:
"Do it! Besides getting married, FFS was the single best decision I've ever made for myself. It's made my life immeasurably better. People smile at me more, and are more positive and sharing when talking to me. I don't have to worry about passing, or makeup - I can wake up in the morning, throw on a t-shirt, and head to the local convenience store without having to worry about having the right makeup on. I feel safer, knowing that I don't have to worry as much about harassment/assault because I look trans. I also feel much better about myself - I don't worry nearly as much about seeing "the old me" in the mirror."
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It seems like recently I've been having a harder time "passing", though not in the way you might think. There are certain things that I still do in "boy mode" more or less out of necessity or convenience. Things like going to the gym which presents a bit of problem when it comes to showers, sauna, steam room, and bathroom facilities which are located in the locker rooms. I'll probably drop my membership after I start on hormones and look for other exercise options. But for now I've just been going in my "boy mode". This is usually consists of a pair of pants, a T-shirt, a baggy pull over fleece top, a puffy vest, and a ball cap with my hair pulled back in a pony tail. No one there has ever said anything about my vanishing facial hair, my smoothly shaven legs or my workout habits which consists of cardio and lower body training.
So lately my look has been kind of a boyish/androgynous one when I'm not intentionally trying to present as a female (i.e. with make up, hair styled, wearing a dress, skirt, bra and breast forms, etc.). I don't know why, but it was surprising to me when I started getting ma'amed and missed and referred to with feminine pronouns much more often in this boy/andro mode. A while back when I was shopping with Trixie the sales person asked how us ladies were doing. More recently a waitress asked, "What can I get for you ladies today?" while I was having lunch with Trixie's mom and sister. A sales person at the local hardware store asked me "Are you finding everything okay, ma'am?" just the other day. The ultimate compliment however, happened at the grocery when I totally got cruised by a butch dyke in the meat and seafood isle. That one had me grinning for the rest of the day.
This all has me thinking more about passing/blending and the amount of effort it really takes to be sucessful. When I am dressed in obviously feminine attire I don't seem to worry as much about some things like which restroom I should use. And when I'm in a more androgynous look I don't seem to be as conscious about how other people are perceiving me. I think once I start on hormones my somewhat exaggerated feminine look will start to merge with my andro/boyish look and I'll end up right about where I want to be. I guess that's already starting to happen. I'm just looking forward to the day when insides finally match up with my outsides.
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