I know at times I'm not very clear or open about what's going on in my life. I can see how people might get confused or have the wrong impressions of what exactly it is that I'm going through. Sometimes I'll talk about things or think about things or have conversations about certain subjects and totally forget that the rest of the world hasn't been privy to any of it. Of course there are things that I don't want the whole world to be privy to, but that's not what I'm talking about here.
The other thing is that a lot of times I'll start blogging about something . . . not be able to complete it or explore the subject adequately . . . scrap it . . . then forget that I actually never published anything. I think it has a little therapeutic for me but, again, no one else really gains any insight. I also assume that a lot of people who read my blog also read Trixie's blog and gather info on what's going on with me through her.
These are just a few of the many things I've been thinking about lately and I'm not sure if I've really shared here or on Twitter or in emails or chat with people.
I still haven't come out to my parents and siblings. I've been thinking a lot about it lately with the recent death of my grandma. Trixie and I were in the Seattle area a few weeks ago visiting with an aunt, uncle, and cousins that were visiting for the week. None of them know yet that I am trans so it was a little strange sitting down and having dinner with them in DRAB and hoping there wouldn't be any slips in my mannerisms or Trixie wouldn't drop the wrong name or pronoun.
All in all it went well though I never really felt at ease during the whole visit. On the way back home I vowed to myself that that would be the last time I ever would put myself through something like that. I had already made an appointment with my therapist to work out a solid game plan for talking to my parents and coming out to my family. It's something that has really been weighing heavy on my mind lately. I feel a little relieved now that we have a good plan in place. It was also reassuring talking to someone who has helped people get through this sort of things countless times before.
We discussed timing a little bit and the advantages and disadvantages of being on HRT before talking to them. We were hoping that I would be on hormones and Trixie would have a bun in the oven when we had the whole conversation with my parents. Unfortunately the getting pregnant part has taken a lot more time and resources than we had originally planned on. So next month, baby on the way or not, I'll start on HRT. I'm going to put one last load of sperm into storage before hand. We're going to keep trying for the next few months and hope for the best. I know I can always back off the mones at some point if need be. At any rate I'll have a few months of being on hormones before talking to my parents about it which I think will help.
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